What's Your Vacation Policy?

Did you know that in Europe vacation time averages 20-28 days off a year plus holidays? How much time off do you take?

During my time in the corporate technology world, most companies offered a standard vacation policy consisting of two weeks of paid vacation time each year plus holidays; employees were entitled to another week after five years of employment. I didn’t use all my vacation time and my work hours often spilled into the weekends.

One of the many things I enjoy about working for myself is the flexibility I have to structure my life the way I want to. My schedule varies but I rarely work past 4:30 and on Wednesdays I finish early. At the end of the day, I need space so that I can reconnect to myself after giving so much to others. I treasure the summer evenings when the light allows me to take longer walks. These walks feel like a colander for my nervous system where the emotions, sensations, and thoughts from the day can seep out through the holes, so I have enough space to start over again the next day.

When I was an intern, my supervisor explained to me that he took six weeks off every year. One week was set aside for an annual group therapy conference and the rest was vacation time; I asked him how his clients reacted to him taking so much time off and he said that he made sure to inform them well in advance and that sometimes those conversations yielded rich clinical material. My beloved aunt, who also studied to be a therapist, warned me not to take too much time off because she was afraid my clients would leave if I did that. Fortunately, she was wrong about this.

In those early days of building my practice I couldn’t afford to travel, so I took some weekend trips and several “staycations” where I discovered new hiking trails close to home. I’d return to work feeling revitalized and I realized how crucial it was for me to take time away from the pressures of my day-to-day responsibilities. Now I schedule my vacation time in advance, and I have a separate savings account dedicated to my travel expenses.

In March I traveled to Utah, and I stayed in a neighborhood just outside of Salt Lake City called “The Avenues” where the houses were built in the early 1900s. The historic architecture, trees and hills felt like a blend of San Francisco and Vermont. Every night around 5:00PM people would gather at a 2-acre park where dogs were allowed to run off-leash. People were responsible with their dogs, and I felt comfortable letting my dog run around and chase his ball. The hiking trails were pristine, and dogs were permitted on alternate days. I had a fantastic time and obviously so did my dog! I am planning to retune next year.

Vacations are only one element of my time off policy. This year I took time off for bereavement leave when my dear aunt died. It was challenging for me to decide how much time off to take and when to take it. In hindsight I wish I had taken more days off during her final weeks, but I thought we’d have more time together. It’s been six weeks now since she died and although I did take some time off, I’ve found I’m very tired and that going to bed early helps.

I just received my jury duty summons, and it was a reminded me of the multitude of other situations where we might need time off and the importance of having some money set aside for those occasions. I hope this post has inspired you to think about your relationship to work and time off. Life is precious and none of us knows how much time we will be here, it’s important to me to enjoy it.

How I Won the Nervous System Trifecta- Walking, Meditation and The Love of an Animal

When I was growing up, my grandfather Charlie loved horses and he and my grandmother liked to dress up for an afternoon at the racetrack. During a Sunday dinner I heard him say that he had “won the trifecta” and I asked him what that meant. He explained that the trifecta was a bet in which he predicted the first three finishers in a race in the correct order. I loved my grandparents and I enjoy replaying my memories of our time together.

This article explores three ways my nervous system changed after I adopted my dog, spent more time walking outdoors and modified my meditation practice. I hadn’t bet on these benefits, but I feel like I won a health trifecta during a global pandemic.

When the lockdowns began in Los Angeles, one of my greatest concerns was being isolated from my yoga community, friends, and family. I’m an extrovert with the soul of an introvert, which means I feel energized when I spend time with other people, and I also require my solitude. Zoom meetings helped me stay connected but I really missed being with people in person.

In October of 2020, about six months into the Pandemic, after months of searching (that is another story), I adopted my dog, Davis; I did not anticipate the many ways that being a dog momma would impact my nervous system. Shortly after his arrival, my heart cracked open with love for this rescue puppy, even during his most stubborn moments.

My energetic dog requires three walks a day, and although my feet ached, I realized I felt more settled and relaxed. As a lifelong runner, I have experience with the “runner’s high” that comes about ten minutes into a run, when the endorphins kick in, but I underestimated the benefits of daily walking. The increase in my exercise was my first win. An investigation (Choi et al., 2019) conducted by researchers at Harvard Medical School confirmed that higher levels of physical activity and lower risk of depression go hand-in-hand. "On average, doing more physical activity appears to protect against developing depression,” Choi said in a statement. “Any activity appears to be better than none; our rough calculations suggest that replacing sitting with 15 minutes of a heart-pumping activity like running, or with an hour of moderately vigorous activity (like my dog walks), is enough to produce the average increase in accelerometer data that was linked to a lower depression risk.”

I walk my dog three times a day and each walk lasts between 30-45 minutes, with the morning walk being our longest. I noticed that once Davis was trained our walks became a time of reflection and play, and my pandemic grumpiness began to dissolve. My sense of isolation decreased as I met other dog owners on my walks. I like some of these dog owners better than others, and am not a big fan of people who allow their dogs to lunge toward us on retractable leashes.

After our walks, Davis returns to his bed where he snores peacefully until the mailman comes. Sometimes he gets up for water or a stretch and will stop by my desk for some affection. I notice his smell, the feeling of his soft fur and the look in his eyes when he wants my attention. In a 2001 study, Karen Allen, Barbara E. Shykoff, and Joseph L. Izzo Jr. found that increased social support through pet ownership lowers blood pressure response to mental stress; Davis’ mere presence lowers my blood pressure. My second win was increased social support.

The third aspect of my trifecta came through altering my meditation practice. In 1987, I learned a basic Insight Meditation practice, following my breath and coming back to my breath if I felt distracted. This practice served me well until 2019, when I found myself growing bored with meditation. A friend mentioned her TM practice, and although I was skeptical at first, I eventually decided to try it. Transcendental Meditation (also known as TM) is a mantra-based meditation practice that was developed in the 1950s. Students are taught to meditate twice a day for 20 minutes. I’ve been practicing for three months now, and I continue to feel calm with an improved capacity to observe my thoughts and feelings without being overtaken by them. I notice that I laugh more often and sometimes sing to Davis during our walks. I’m rarely able to practice twice a day, but once a day has made all the difference.

I encourage all my clients to walk or try some form of exercise that gets them outside and moving. Not everyone can own a pet, but for those who do, I suggest they notice and savor the impact on their senses. I recommend meditation to some of my clients and like to help them create a practice that works for them. I’m very grateful for the many gifts I’ve received during these last two challenging years and the positive impact on my nervous system. I’m thinking about trying pickleball next!

 

 

 

 

EMDR and Brainspotting Part Two

Image by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash @zoltantasi

This writing expands on an earlier post I wrote about the differences between EMDR and Brainspotting. It’s long enough to be an article so if you want the short version, which includes a comparison chart, see my October blog post.

EMDR and Brainspotting are both powerful healing modalities, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR) was discovered in 1987 by Francine Shapiro, PhD, a clinical psychologist. Dr. Shapiro was taking a walk in the park when she noticed that her upsetting thoughts dissipated as she quickly moved her eyes from side to side. She formed the hypothesis that the bilateral movement of her eyes created a relaxed state in her brain which helped her to release the upsetting thoughts.

Dr. Shapiro incorporated eye movements into her clinical work and eventually created her own therapy protocol which included additional sources of bilateral stimulation like tappers and auditory tones. A cognitive component was added to address “negative cognitions”, a term Dr. Shapiro used to describe unproductive thought and feelings toward oneself. She designed a “future template” to allow clients to imagine and integrate a positive outcome to their issue.

During a typical session, clients are asked to bring up a target memory and hold the most disturbing aspects of that memory in their minds while the therapist’s hand moves across their field of vision. The back-and-forth movement of the hand stimulates both sides of the brain (bilateral stimulation). There is a large body of research available on the effectiveness of this modality, and the quality of the experience of bilateral stimulation is described as similar to the mechanisms of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep.

Some clients prefer handheld tappers or bilateral sounds to eye movements. The tappers connect to a control box using six-foot wires and small paddles that people hold in their hands as they vibrate in an alternating fashion, providing gentle tactile stimulation. About every 30 seconds to a minute (the interval varies by client) the therapist asks, “What are you getting?” The client responds briefly by saying something like “An image of myself as a child sitting alone on the front steps” and the therapist says, “Go with that.” Clients may also report emotions, sensations, or thoughts. This continues throughout the session and the combination of the bilateral stimulation and relationship with the therapist create the containment necessary for clients to re-process and integrate disturbing memories from the past in present time.

The result is that the meaning of those memories is transformed, and eventually clients feel empowered and relieved. Clients often notice a changed attitude toward themselves and the disturbing memory. The final phase includes developing an imaginary future template which involves visualizing and tapping in a more positive resolution to the issue. This is a brief description of EMDR.

Brainspotting was discovered by Dr. David Grand in 2003. Dr. Grand is a psychoanalyst who was trained in EMDR by Dr. Shapiro. He had been practicing and teaching EMDR for years and he noticed that many of his clients reported feeling overwhelmed after their sessions. In response to his clients feedback, he developed his own version of EMDR which he called Natural Flow EMDR. His training in Somatic Experiencing with Dr. Peter Levine had a significant impact on his EMDR work.

He used slower eye movements which appeared to be more soothing and when clients got too activated, he asked them to shift their attention to a place in their bodies where they felt more settled and relaxed; he even produced his own bilateral music for people to listen to during their sessions.

Dr Grand’s discovery of Brainspotting occurred during a Natural Flow EMDR session with a young woman who was a professional ice skater. Her childhood trauma was affecting her athletic performance, specifically, her ability to complete a “triple loop”. He noticed that during EMDR when his fingers crossed the midline of his client’s nose, her eyes began to wobble. When he stopped and held his fingers still in front of her eyes, they locked into place, and she was able to process memories that had not surfaced during the prior year of twice weekly EMDR sessions. The next day she called him from the skating rink and reported that she was able to perform the triple loop several times without any problem.

Dr. Grand’s clientele included many therapists who were interested in trying this new technique; these were his first Brainspotting clients, though he hadn’t yet named the modality. He began his sessions in his usual EMDR way, asking clients to bring up a disturbing issue. Then he looked for reflexive responses like eye wobbles, deep inhales/exhales, swallows, and changes in their facial expressions.  When he noticed a response, he kept his hand still and waited. Once they found the eye position, his clients reported deep, profound processing which continued during between sessions.

Brainspotting is based on a fixed eye position, while EMDR utilizes eye movements. At the beginning of a session, clients are invited to explore anything in their lives that feels unpleasant or disturbing. The client does not have to have a memory of what happened for the process to be effective. The focus is on the client’s felt sense in the moment as they describe the issue, and the presenting problem sometimes changes during the processing.

Brainspotting utilizes a simple set of steps called a “setup.” At the start of each session, people are asked to describe the issue they want to work on and identify their level of activation using a Subjective Unit of Disturbance (SUDS) scale of 0-10; EMDR uses this same scale. The word activation is used to describe the emotional and somatic distress associated with this situation.

The distress emerges as the client begins to describe their issue, tracking uncomfortable sensations in the body, painful emotions, disturbing thoughts, or images. The client is invited to listen to bilateral music using headphones playing at a low volume. Some clients prefer to put the music on at the start of the session and some wait until they have described their presenting problem.

Once the client rates their level of activation, if it is high enough (5 or greater) then the next step is finding a Brainspot, an eye position that corresponds to their current experience of the distressing issue. The therapist asks the client what they are noticing in their body and uses a pointer to assist the client in locating a Brainspot where that sensation feels the strongest. Locating the spot occurs by first tracking the client’s eyes horizontally and then vertically with the pointer. Finding the spot is an intuitive process and clients are often surprised by how quickly they locate it.

The spot functions like a portal, allowing access into the deep, subcortical part of the brain where trauma is stored. Once the brainspot is located, a period of focused mindfulness (processing) begins. During this time, the therapist and client are not talking much, this is an important distinction from EMDR where the therapist is checking in more frequently. In Brainspotting training, therapists learn the acronym WAIT, which means “Why Am I Talking”, because talking takes the client out of the subcortical brain and into their neocortex, the thinking, planning brain. 

The client focuses on the pointer and periodically checks in, reporting sensations, emotions, and images to the therapist. The therapist may offer brief words of encouragement or invite the client to quietly notice their internal experience, alternating with long periods of silence to allow the client to drop into the experience without getting distracted by having to respond to the therapist’s questions.

Clients track and name sensations in their bodies along with any emotions that arise. People sometimes notice a “slideshow” of images as their brain integrates disturbing material from the past that was activating the issue in the present. The client’s nervous system goes through cycles of regulation and dysregulation throughout the session.

The last ten minutes of the session are reserved for clients to discuss anything significant that arose during the processing (or not) and return to a more grounded state before returning to their day. The processing “work” continues between sessions and many clients notice increased access to sensations, emotions, and images along with vivid dreams (processing) for the next several days or longer.

The first time someone practiced Brainspotting on me was during a training and afterward I walked into Whole Foods feeling like everyone in the store loved me; it felt as if a layer of protection had been removed from my heart. 

In addition to processing distress, Brainspotting can be used for expansion work, where clients focus on increasing their strengths as opposed to reducing activation. Expansion work can be used to address performance issues, remove creative blocks, help athletes prepare for events, and a wide variety of other situations where people want to expand on an existing strength. I especially like using this setup with parents, we focus on their parenting strengths which reduces their pressure to be perfect parents.

This is a very brief description of Brainspotting, to learn more I recommend reading David Grand’s book “Brainspotting: The Revolutionary New Therapy for Rapid and Effective Change.” Dr Shapiro has written many books on EMDR and there is more information available on the EMDR Institute website www.emdr.com. I am also trained in Attachment Focused EMDR, and highly recommend Dr. Laurel Parnell’s training and books; you can learn more about her work at https:drlaurelparnell.com

I welcome your comments on this article, I realize I have only scratched the surface on this interesting subject!

The Gratitude Visit

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. We have many great cooks in the family, and everyone brings something; some of the recipes have been in our family for years. In addition to bringing the cranberry mold, I’m responsible for asking everyone to share what they are grateful for each year. My beloved aunt just turned 86 and I’ve spent at least thirty Thanksgivings with her since I moved to California in 1990; having her with us for another year is at the top of everyone’s list.

I like incorporating gratitude into my clinical work. I studied Positive Psychology which is the scientific study of the strengths and virtues that enable individuals to thrive. Positive Psychology was created by Dr. Martin Seligman, a psychologist who got tired of studying depression.

One of my favorite exercises from Dr. Seligman’s work is “The Gratitude Visit” and I teach this to my clients. First, I encourage them to take some time and think about a person who has had a major positive impact on their lives. Next, I ask them to visualize that person in as much detail as possible, picturing their face, and imagining a special time they had with that person. When the visualization is done, we talk about what the person means to them and discuss any thoughts or feelings that came up during the exercise. The next step is to write a letter to the person and read it to them in person. Some clients have read their letter to relatives who are no longer living.

Seligman’s research revealed that people who wrote gratitude letters reported a higher level of happiness during the time they participated in the study and again when they were contacted six months afterwards. Clients sometimes ask me if practicing gratitude will help them avoid feeling “negative” emotions. Our brains often gravitate toward what’s wrong and how to fix it, I explain that gratitude will help them experience a wider range of feelings, but it won’t prevent them from feeling unpleasant emotions. You can learn more about Positive Psychology at https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/

What Are Some of the Differences Between EMDR and Brainspotting?

Clinicians often ask me about the differences between Brainspotting and EMDR. I hope you find this chart helpful and I welcome your input.

As an Approved Brainspotting Consultant and training assistant, I have the privilege of certifying other therapists in Brainspotting. Brainspotting training is offered through Dr. David Grand’s website www.brainspotting.com. Attendees are encouraged to begin using Brainspotting after they complete the first three-day training (Phase 1). Certification requires attending Phase 1 and Phase 2 trainings and six consulting sessions.

If you are interested in getting trained in EMDR, I did my initial training with the EMDR Institute https://www.emdr.com/ which teaches the Standard EMDR protocol. I completed the certification process over the following year. Next, I attended Laurel Parnell’s Attachment Focused EMDR training and became an approved Attachment Focused EMDR provider. Parnell’s training was more aligned with my theoretical orientation, and I found her streamlined protocol easier to use than the standard EMDR protocol. You can learn more about her trainings at https://drlaurelparnell.com/training/

Whichever path you choose, I recommend investing in consultation. These are both powerful, trauma modalities and you will benefit from building a strong foundation in your skills.

If you are trying to decide which training to take, do your homework. Read about each modality and see what resonates with your theoretical orientation; talk with your colleagues. If you are an over achiever like I am, you might decide you want to learn both. My website, mariagray.net offers links to EMDR and Brainspotting resources. The comparison chart on the last page may help you with your decision. I hope this article helps explain some of the difference between these two powerful, healing modalities. Feel free to reach out to me through my website with any feedback or questions you may have.